I think that what must piss people off the most is the fact that, by watching them from a far, I was never really in an excruciating pain. It is as if I almost never felt anything, really. You see, even more than having proper encounters, I love being a witness of great encounters. I have priorities and also my own agenda. I don’t mind spending my own existence alone, once I’m able to watch things unfold and happen in the right way for everybody else. It never, ever, saddens me in any way. I know it kind of sounds like a sin but yes, I am that selfless – and helpless. Simply knowing how stuff works and watching them happen is enough for me. Actually, when that happens I tend to feel oddly satisfied, in a very particular way. And most people I know won’t ever understand that. Maybe that’s the core of my loneliness.

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